“Suit and Tie, Sequester Style” is the latest video from CorkEnvy Productions. There’s nothing about wine (although I did sip a glass or two while writing, filming, and editing this piece). I like to think this video has everything: singing, dancing, a little non-partisan political commentary, and of course hilarity! Thanks for watching!

Birthdays and the New Year provide natural triggers for self-reflection and renewed vigor to find our purpose. As I sit here in my garage having coffee while watching the neighbors leave for work in the spring rain, I’m doing a little of both…

What I’ve come to realize during my few years on earth [...]]]>  

Birthdays and the New Year provide natural triggers for self-reflection and renewed vigor to find our purpose. As I sit here in my garage having coffee while watching the neighbors leave for work in the spring rain, I’m doing a little of both…

What I’ve come to realize during my few years on earth is that life is a series of decisions and events that lead to ever-changing goals and/or decision points. It’s important to remember (and learn from) the past, but living in or fixating on the past can keep you stagnant and paralyzed. Likewise, excessive planning and looking toward the future can sometimes cause you to miss out on the joys of the present. When we allow regret over past failures and anxiety about the future to collide, our ability to appreciate the present is severely crippled.

Over the last several years, I’ve had occasion to think (and even say to a few people) that my own life is not at all what I thought it would be—even as recently as a year or two ago. In our teen and early adult years, many of us have grand visions of who we are, who we will become, or what our lives will look like in the future. But things don’t always work out as we plan, do they? I’m not the working musician I had imagined I could be; I never made it to medical school; I haven’t followed The Rib into government employment; I balked at applying for a Ph.D. program; and my Master’s degree serves only as the most expensive framed art in our home.

But that’s just fine with me…

I am where I’m supposed to be and I am who I am supposed to be—at least for now. Sure, I wonder at times “what might’ve been” if I had made a few different decisions along the way, but I don’t regret anything about my life—at all. Every decision I’ve made and everything that has happened to (or around) me in my life has led me to where I am. And I am happy.

That’s not to say that everything about my life has been or is perfect all the time. It hasn’t been and it isn’t. But generally, the things that frustrate, anger, or otherwise upset me are, objectively, not all that serious. I’ve got a good life.

Don’t think I’m painting myself as a “let whatever happens happen” thinker. I am not. Despite some things being out of our control, we can affect change and the direction of our lives. I still have things I hope for, things I wish for, and aspirations beyond where and who I am now. And I work toward those hopes, wishes, and aspirations [almost] every day. But even in my frustration with the [sometimes] slow progress toward desired ends, I’m getting along just fine, even if I have to remind myself of that at times.

Enter one of my favorite old(er) country songs, “I’ve Got It Made.” Aside from the first line (“A high-dollar woman in a low cut dress” (even though The Rib will occasionally don what she refers to as a “big boobie bra” and a slinky(er) dress before we hit the town)—this simple little song sums up what I’m talking about. Over the last few years, I’ve come to realize (as clichéd as it sounds), life is what you make it. And The Rib and I have made a nice little life.

The Rib is a better partner in life than I could have ever hoped for; I’ve got great family and friends; and we live a comfortable life. All in all, I’ve got it made.

Thanks for all of the wonderful birthday wishes! I’ll be raising a glass to toast you and myself—and the (hopefully) wonderful years ahead of me—later tonight with friends here in my garage. And probably again tomorrow when The Rib and I will enjoy some nice Champagne and a Fielding Hills selection with a big ol’ ribeye steak and lobster tail. Happy birthday to me!

Cheers from the Garage (Coffee) Bar at CorkEnvy,

Stub

This is my first written review of new music and wine. I love music, I love wine—seems like a natural fit, right? This particular album was not only the most anticipated release of the week, but was also making some headlines, so I download the “Deluxe Edition” and pushed play. Let me start with [...]]]>  

This is my first written review of new music and wine. I love music, I love wine—seems like a natural fit, right? This particular album was not only the most anticipated release of the week, but was also making some headlines, so I download the “Deluxe Edition” and pushed play. Let me start with a little background information…

I love country music. I kinda have to, having grown up in Texas and all. Like Dill Scallion‘s sidekick Bubba Pearl, I live and breath country music, but probably not the country music a lot of you are aware of. Top 40 country music writ large is—and I realize this is a blanket statement—horrible. Sure, there’s telecasters and pedal steel guitars, fiddles and dobros, and sweet harmonies about heartbreak, mama, trains, hometown high school football, bonfires on Friday nights, boots, drinkin’ and the rest, but it’s mostly artificial. All of the above-mentioned country song memes exist—and there’s a large group of people that are sure proud of all of them—but it’s hard to buy the authenticity of a bedazzled blue jean and flip-flop wearin’ “country boy” with frosted hair. The current “Nashville Sound” is pretty much pop music with pedal steels and an occasional fiddle played to 3^rd grade level rhymes about true love, Jesus, and America. And I’m not knockin’ it per se—sometimes you sing for the money, ’cause “by God, you gotta put food on the table” —but the “rawness” of country music has gotten packaged a little too tightly in a reusable Whole Foods grocery bag.

I give this somewhat scathing primer with the note that there is some top 40 country music that I enjoy and several of the artists making said music are talented singers, songwriters, and/or musicians. Enter Brad Paisley. I won’t pull punches here and say that he’s not a bit of a pop-country artist, but I will say this—Brad Paisley knows country music and is the best damn guitar player on the planet. Period. He’s far from my favorite country artist, but I always tune in to any video of him playing a telecaster, ’cause he has no equal in that department. And he seems like a good dude (the late, great Andy Griffith thought enough of him to give him the acoustic guitar he played on the porch with Opie, Aunt Bee, et. al. after a hard day of sheriffin’ Mayberry), and he sings from the heart.

On the set of Paisley’s “Waitin’ On A Woman” Video

And he has good-lookin’ hair. But above all that, he’s the best guitar player alive on the planet. I’d quit drinkin’ wine if I could play a telecaster half as well as he does (I wouldn’t give up my cold beer or whiskey, though, ’cause, you know—I’m country).

Well, that was a bit longer of an intro than I intended, but I had to get that off my chest. Let’s move on:

I decided sitting on the patio and sipping a white Primieres Cotes de Bordeaux (yes, white wines are produced in Bordeaux) on what appeared to be the first actual spring-like day in the nation’s capital region was a good place to start. I’d already listened to the entire “Wheelhouse” album twice and even repeated a few individual songs a couple more times while out and about, but decided to sit down with a glass and give this album a third critical listen while organizing my earlier notes and giving my thoughts on each track.

But before we start up the virtual jukebox, let’s have a drink…

The Wine

2011 Cheval Quancard, Cotes de Bordeaux, France

2011 Cheval Quancard Premieres Cotes de Bordeaux

This is a sweet white blend (intended as a dessert wine) of Semillon and Sauvignon Blanc. For no particular reason whatsoever, I decided a dessert wine was appropriate for the warm spring afternoon.

The nose on this wine was a rush of honey, apricot, date, and maybe a little plum/prune—think “healthy” breakfast cereal with a little sugar.

The palate was intense, with sweet fruit and honey, but also enough acid to balance the wine fairly well. I’ll get back to the wine in a minute, though.

The Music

Brad Paisley

“Wheelhouse“

Track 1: Bon Voyage

This track is a soundboard mishmash with travel sounds and the aural illusion an old knob radio changing stations.

Track 2: Southern Comfort Zone

Sounds like Brad took some production notes from The Lumineers. There’s a choir, a mash-up of southern-y song clips and voiceovers (yup, Andy of Mayberry is in there), and a message of exploration and sharing—think Sesame Street with a fiddle. I ain’t particularly fond of this one. That said, I’m sure this will hit the country charts and be fairly popular, even though it never mentions the sweet liqueur that shares two-thirds of its name with the title.

Track 3: Beat This Summer

This is the first single released from the album. This is a feel good summer lovin’ song! I’ll look a little past the cheese factor here, ’cause who doesn’t love a song about an endless summer with a newfound love? And the guitar work is pretty good, but that’s no real surprise, now is it? I’m not the biggest fan of this song, either, but it’s already number 24 on the Billboard Country Chart, so no need for ol’ Brad to be upset with my opinion of it.

Track 4: Outstanding In Our Field (featuring Dierks Bentley, Hunter Hayes, and Roger Miller)

Dierks Bentley and Brad Paisley

Let me get something off my chest before I discuss this song: it used to be, when two artists performed on a track together, it was called a duet. And I actually had to Google Hunter Hayes, but apparently my awareness of new, young country acts took a permanent vacation when Taylor Swift hit the scene.

Well, this one starts out sounding like George Thorogood did a recording at Sun Studios. And it’s just littered with “country clichés” and an old Roger Miller sample (from “Dang Me,” if you’re interested). I’m sure this will get a lot of play in the types of “fields” mentioned in the title. That said, I just didn’t like this, despite the great guitar work and pretty decent turn of phrase on the end of the hook. By the third listen, though, this song grew on me a little, and I’m pretty sure I won’t hit next every time it comes up on my iPod playlist.

Track 5: Pressing a Bruise (featuring Mat Kearney)

I had high(er) hopes for this one before the chorus. But for the guitar licks, this track is awful. I Googled Mat Kearney, too. I didn’t care enough to listen to any of his solo work after not liking this track—on this song, Mr. Kearney sounded like Beck, if Beck had performed rap vocals (which he didn’t) on his country album Sea Change (which I personally love, by the way). I was sad I had to hear this one three times.

Track 6: I Can’t Change The World

This song has several sentiments, and I’m not sure they’re exactly cohesive, but this song works. It’s sort of sweet in its own way, and I’m sure it’ll see some spins at a wedding or two this spring and summer. Once again, the best thing about this track is the guitar, but I liked it a bit better on a third listen (and a glass of wine in) than I initially did.

Track 7: Chinese Symbols (that I can’t get to paste properly)

This is a minute and thirty-nine second self-indulgent picking tune featuring Paisley’s telecaster, pedal steel, mandolin, banjo, and fiddle. It’s fun, and you’ll never hear me criticize Paisley for indulging us with his fretboard prowess.

Track 8: Karate (featuring Charlie Daniels)

Charlie Daniels

This is a bit of a women’s empowerment—err, revenge—song. It’s got a catchy melody and it’s as cute as a song about domestic abuse can be. Think of this song as a less-violent version of the Dixie Chicks‘ “Goodbye Earl” sang by a dude, with chorus chanting reminiscent of The Lumineers or Fun. And a Charlie Daniels rap breakdown for good measure.

Track 9: Death of a Married Man (featuring Eric Idle)

Eric Idle

Yeah, that says Eric Idle. And yes, it’s that Eric Idle. Nothing screams country music quite like Monty Python royalty, right? This is a funny little forty-eight second track.

Track 10: Harvey Bodine

I don’t want to give too much away with this one, but it’s not quite the song about dying and going to Heaven you might expect from the first couple of lines. This one has a bit of an “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” feel to it, and it may very well have been written for a stage production. This is easily my favorite offering to this point.

Track 11: Tin Can On A String

Well, surprise! This song isn’t about making those tin can telephones we see kids make in old-timey movies; it’s about lost love and what might have been, and is a pop-country ballad that delivers. It’s not my favorite on the album, but objectively, it’s one of the best-written songs on the album (at least to this point).

Track 12: Death of a Single Man

This little country-bluesy shuffle utilizes a great back and forth between a telecaster, a pedal steel, and a fiddle. This song is brilliantly written, scored, and performed. “Death of a Single Man” made me think a bit, ’cause I’m not sure if I liked it as much or more than “Harvey Bodine.” “Nothin’ says it’s over man, like a bad 80s cover band.” Awesome line.

Track 13: The Mona Lisa

Alright, by this point in the album, I was certain The Lumineers snuck into the studio to do some backing tracks. This mid-to-up tempo, overproduced country number is fun, has a decent hook to it and will probably make some country girl swoon a bit when a country boy plays it for her as she slides up next to him in the Super Duty on the way to the local Dairy Queen or drive-in movie; or steals a few of the lyrics for a Birthday, Anniversary, or Valentine’s Day card. I, for one, will totally blast this song—sunroof open, highway speed at some point.

Track 14: Accidental Racist (featuring LL Cool J)

Brad and LL hangin’

I’ll start my thoughts on this tune with this: I like the music track and the melody of this song. The guitar work on this track is nice—think of Jeff Healey’s or Jeff Beck’s “softer, bluesy” work, but with a “message”—the message being it’s important to understand others’ points of view, even when said others are intentionally “unintentionally” offensive (in this case, racist). I’m guessing LL Cool J’s participation was supposed to give this misses-the-mark sermon song some legitimacy, but at best, it comes off as really, really odd. And forced.

Track 15: Runaway Train

This “train song” is mediocre, not near as raucous or growly as it should be, and is worth a skip, but for the guitar.

Track 16: Those Crazy Christians

Going into this one, I figured it would be a pandery, syrupy, “everybody loves Jesus” pop-country overload. I was wrong. The soft Run DMC drum track in the beginning plays well against the churchy, country ballad piano. It’s sort of about questioning and maybe a little about personal (and spiritual) redemption, but isn’t an in-your-face, overly preachy song about church and God and ‘Merica one might expect from a country act. Once again, the guitar work is impeccable, and this is probably Paisley’s best vocal performance on the entire album.

Track 17: Officially Alive

Huh? This is a country-ish, feel-good pop song that Fun could perform. And I don’t want to read too much into it, but I feel like this song at least tacitly speaks in support of same-sex marriage. It’s not a great song by any stretch, but it does provide chanty, sing-along fun (and a generically encouraging “be your own person” message).

Track 18: Yankee Doodle Dixie (Bonus Track)

This track is an [mostly] instrumental minute and twelve seconds of self-indulgence.

Track 19: Facebook Friends (Bonus Track)

That gee-tar is even “Facebooks Blue!”

This song is exactly what you’d think it would be about given the title, except not! It’s a cheatin’ song for the 21st Century! Plus, there’s the bonus of the world finally having an entire song about the Facebooks! I see a lot of Facebooks passwords changing after folks hear this song. This is a decent little modern country ballad that I actually like.

Track 20 Get Even (Bonus Track)

This is a nice little country song right here! Honky-tonk barroom noise at a high level. I mean, how awesome is the lyric “two can cheat at this game?” Pretty awesome, that’s how! The music’s great (yeah, especially the guitar), the lyrics are great, and the pace of the song is great. I’d love to hear this one live in a smoky little bar. This is the song on this album I’d be most likely to listen to again and again.

Track 21: Southern Comfort Zone [Acoustic Version] (Bonus Track)

The “real” version of this song will be an anthemy hit for sure. I still don’t love the song, but the acoustic version is way better, in my opinion. More heart, more feeling, more better.

Overall, I’d give this album an average rating. I loved four of the songs, thought a couple were decent enough, and hated a few. If you like modern country, you’ll like this album well enough and think I’m nuts for criticizing a few of these songs. If you like Brad Paisley, you’ll definitely enjoy this album. Even a non-country fan could probably find something to like about this, but I wouldn’t recommend the entire album—grab a song or two (notably “Harvey Bodine” and “Death of a Single Man,” if for no other reason than to give a listen to a style of music you’re not as familiar with). If you want the entire album, go ahead and shell out the extra couple of bucks for the Deluxe Version, ’cause not having “Get Even” as part of this collection would be a shame.

As for the wine, it’s not a bad go, either. It is sweet. It is fruity. Having warmed a bit (but still chilled), this wine was even more intense. It was a bit syrupy right out of the coolerator. I wouldn’t pull the cork on another bottle of this wine without pairing it with a bite to eat. This wine would pair beautifully with pastries or ice cream for a dessert course, and would probably do well on a warm day with some cheese if you’re more inclined to drink sweet(er) wines just ’cause. At $12 or so, it’s worth buying, if for no other reason than to try a style of wine you may not be familiar with.

With headphones on and glass in hand…

Cheers from the Patio at CorkEnvy,

Stub

The nose on this wine was primarily burnt sugar and pineapple, but traces of banana and dandelion came through, as well.

On the palate, the pineapple dominated and this wine put me in mind of the [...]]]> Verdejo is native to Spain’s Rueda Region and produces crisp white wines with citrus notes, minerality, and sharp acidity.

2009 Grupo Yllera Viña Cantosán Verdejo

The nose on this wine was primarily burnt sugar and pineapple, but traces of banana and dandelion came through, as well.

On the palate, the pineapple dominated and this wine put me in mind of the syrup from a canned fruit cocktail I enjoyed as a kid—only with more acidity. An hour or so in, orange notes and hint of nuttiness emerged.

If you haven’t tried a Verdejo before, I would highly recommend it—particularly as an alternative to Pinot Gris. This Verdejo should pair beautifully with entrée salads, fish, shellfish, lighter chicken dishes, or with the Kindle and some smooth, creamy cheese on the patio on a pleasant spring afternoon.

If you enjoy a crisp white wine, give the Grupo Yllera Viña Cantosán Verdejo a go—you kinda can’t go wrong for the $9 (or less) you’ll pay per bottle.

Cheers,

Stub

Well, here we are—the finals! Aside from Gilles’ absence, which is still ludicrous, the best dancers made it to the final—a testament to the fans that, overall, vote based on the quality of the dancing. Sure, we had to endure a few more weeks of Bristol Palin and Kirstie Alley than we should have, [...]]]>  

Well, here we are—the finals! Aside from Gilles’ absence, which is still ludicrous, the best dancers made it to the final—a testament to the fans that, overall, vote based on the quality of the dancing. Sure, we had to endure a few more weeks of Bristol Palin and Kirstie Alley than we should have, but in the end, the wheat was separated from the chaff, and the cream rose to the top—how’s that for mixing metaphors? It was a great final with all three couples delivering at least one truly top-notch dance, and only one couple actually delivering two. Right now, I have a better average than Stub, since two of my top three are in the final three. His only option for a win is Melissa, and, as much as it pains me to say it—seriously I am experiencing actual physical pain or maybe it’s the pain in advance of the inevitable bragging that would accompany his win—but Stub may have called this one from the beginning. If people vote based solely on the quality of performance in the final, Melissa Rycroft should win.

The Dances

Kelly Monaco/Val Chmerkovskiy

Paso Doble Redux (Judges’ Score: 29.5)

Freestyle (Judges’ Score: 29.5)

Combined Score: 59

Kelly and Val

The Rib: Their “redo” Paso Doble was outstanding save for the missed hand-off at the beginning, which was a shame. The movements were sharp and powerful, and Kelly’s lines and turns were fantastic, as was her costume. Still, a “10″ symbolizes perfection, and this dance was not perfect; therefore, I reject the “10″ given by two judges. A fault is a fault…period. At the other end of the spectrum was the misguided attempt to reprise the Dirty Dancing final number. Really? Maybe it’s the fact that, on many occasions during my childhood when I was awakened at 5:00 am to go to the racetrack, my mother had that freakin’ movie playing, but I thought this dance was a mess. The best thing that I can say about this dance is Kelly’s girls looked awesome. From Val playing violin, to Kelly’s aerial silks work, to the choir and other dancers, it was all over the place with some very awkward transitions into the lifts. Sorry, Kelly, the only trophy that you will go home with is Val. I predict third place for you.

Stub: Kelly’s Paso Doble was amazing! It was sharp, crisp, intense, and passionate! I loved it! That missed hand grab out of a spin was obvious, but this dance was so good it hurt! Great timing and beautiful lines (and curves, if The Rib is right about Kelly’s “girls;” I didn’t notice myself…). I’m happy she received two “10s,” but a half point off is more than fair given the obvious (although slight) mistake. In the Freestyle, Kelly’s silk work to start the routine was beautiful. And I like the fact that Val was actually playing that violin instead of using it as a prop. He’s a “double threat!” Given the opening sequence, I was expecting a lot from this dance. Too bad it disappointed. It just fell apart. I felt like I was in the middle of a Tim Burton/Federico Fellini brainstorming session. I’m also not sure what the “super-sized” really meant. I really wanted to like this, since Kelly has more than impressed me this season, but this dance seemed ill-conceptualized, awkward, and a bit rushed at times.

Melissa Rycroft/Tony Dovolani

Samba Redux (Judges’ Score: 30)

Freestyle (Judges’ Score: 30)

Combined Score: 60

Melissa and Tony

The Rib: Their “redo” Samba was excellent—from the cool opening trick to Melissa’s amazing lines and hip action. She is adorable and gave a great performance with her smokin’ body! However, her true dance skill and desire to win was most apparent in the Freestyle contemporary dance. Her strength and musicality were showcased to maximum effect. Kudos to you, Melissa—well done! If we are judging solely on the final performances, you should, indeed, finally get your mirror ball trophy tonight!

Stub: The “Bad Boy of Ballroom” was pissed in that pre-dance video package! He’s ready to take this to the house! And boy did he and Melissa deliver on that Samba! This girl’s limbs are just effin’ perfect! And the frame they’re attached to ain’t too shabby, either… This dance was cheeky and fun, but technically perfect, too. For their Freestyle, Melissa and Tony pulled off what I thought was maybe the best dance of the season. It was just beautiful! I actually got a little misty-eyed during the opening sequence. I could go on about how amazing this dance was, but you all (hopefully) saw it, and I don’t want to define or label something that turned out to be such a beautiful artistic expression—this dance should stand on its own as not only amazing, but moving, as well.

Shawn Johnson/Derek Hough

Quickstep Redux (Judges’ Score: 27)

Freestyle (Judges’ Score: 30)

Combined Score: 57

Shawn and Derek

The Rib: I have a real bone to pick with the chipmunk. Their Quickstep “redo” was a terrible choice that was not nearly as well executed as it was when it was originally performed. They knew they broke the rules the first time but did nothing to remedy the choreography in this go-round…naughty little chipmunk! Although she played the good teammate and backed Derek’s call, we know from the pre-dance package that she questioned that call—and deep down inside, in the places she will surely need to talk about with her shrink once this show ends given her inability to define herself outside a competitive environment—and it may well cost her the win. Now, the Freestyle on the other hand was littered with elements that no other dancer could deliver—huge tricks and the “Fierce 5″ 2012 Summer Olympics Gold-medal winning gymnastics team. The beginning sequence was bad-ass—her core strength is ridiculous! I liked the dance montage concept of taking pieces from their various dances this season, but overall, there was too much flipping and not enough dancing. Still, if you did not vote for Shawn, the FBI is likely on their way to your house to ask you a few questions, because clearly you must hate America. Six Olympic champions in the routine didn’t get you to vote for her? Really, just relinquish your passport now. Seriously, though, if Shawn loses, Derek is to blame; if they played by the rules, the mirror ball trophy was a lock! I am not sure if their fan votes can help them overcome the three-point deficit to beat Melissa and Tony.

Stub: I was not liking where this was headed from the opening video package before the Quickstep. Disrespecting the process once? We can let it go—their score suffered a bit for it. But twice? With the exact same dance? Boo! Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, well, won’t get fooled again! I think Derek had a pretty big episode of hubris this week. Cures include: getting horrible scores in the finals and losing the new and improved mirror ball trophy. On top of all of that, the dance wasn’t near as good as it was the first time. They were a bit out of sync and tentative. The first performance of this routine was amazingly entertaining (even though it wasn’t a “proper Quickstep”). This performance paled in comparison, and I think the “27″ was a bit of a gift. Awful choice that almost guarantees a Melissa win. As for the Freestyle, I will say this: sorry Shawn, but the “Fierce 5″ was a cheap add. And winning a reality celebrity dancing competition is not near the same as winning Olympic Gold. I think you may need a sports psychologist more than a great dance instructor/partner. All that said, I loved the opening sequence of the Freestyle. Shawn is more and more looking like an actual grown woman and is even managing to look “hot” vice “cute” at times. While this Freestyle was impressive, it was more gymnastic entertainment than it was dance. I liked it, but didn’t love it.

The Wine

2009 Cru Monplaisir, Bordeaux, France

2009 Cru Montplaisir

Well, this was a wine I noticed on the shelf of my favorite local wine shop. As I’ve advised many over the last year or so, picking up an unknown Bordeaux from the 2009 vintage—at any price point—is not much of a gamble. Why a Bordeaux for this evening? It’s the perfect blend (kinda like the DWTS finalists) and rarely disappoints (kinda like a cougar).

The Cru Monplaisir is a 75% Merlot, 20% Cabernet Sauvignon, 5% Cabernet France blend that retails for about $22.

On the nose, there was cherry, oaky awesomeness, a little leather, and a little earthiness. And it was all big!

On first sip, I felt like I was licking a new leather saddle covered with cherries. The wine showed some nice cedar notes on smooth tannins. We opened this wine an hour or so before tasting, but didn’t decant. After the first few sips, we poured this bottle through the Vinturi into a decanter, which helped open it up a bit.

Even over the two hours or so after we opened this bottle, it was a bit tight. I returned the wine to its bottle and sealed it up so we can experience it again with dinner tonight. We’ll report back with further details of the Cru Monplaisir tomorrow (when we’ll also discuss the nice little Champagne we’ll be enjoying this evening).

I am excited to see what this wine did in the bottle overnight. It showed great promise and I hope it lives up to its potential…

Takeaways

We kinda did this in our individual dance critiques, but I’ll summarize here: Kelly is a great little dancer and has improved by leaps and bounds over the last ten weeks, and she hearts Val; Shawn is a natural athlete who can make her body do the craziest things imaginable, has matured a bit, and maybe has a few sessions with a psychologist in her future; Melissa is an adorable “girl next door” who not only showed that she has the technical chops to win, but also the will to win. The Rib and I are looking forward to the last “insta-dance” round tonight, the “Dance Center” bit, and the awarding of the new and improved mirror ball trophy. And a fine Champagne. Don’t forget the Champagne!

Until tomorrow…

Cheers from the Ballroom at CorkEnvy,

Stub & The Rib

Well, it’s the next-to-last week of Dancing With The Stars: All-Stars. It’s been quite a ride. Who will be competing for the “new and improved” Mirror Ball Trophy next week? The Rib and I agree on 2 out of 3. Ooh, conflict! Makes for better reading, right? You be the judge…

Sorry about the delay in reporting on Week 7 performances. The Rib and I were both super-busy last week (you can see the fruits of my labor here, where I did a special tribute to the United States Marine Corps), election coverage dominated the airwaves and the interwebs (to include my  

Sorry about the delay in reporting on Week 7 performances. The Rib and I were both super-busy last week (you can see the fruits of my labor here, where I did a special tribute to the United States Marine Corps), election coverage dominated the airwaves and the interwebs (to include my CorkEnvy Town Hall 2012 before the election), and there wasn’t an elimination after last week’s Dancing with the Stars performance show, so we decided to combine the last two weeks of critiques into a “megapost” this week.

Given the length of today’s performance analysis, we’ll forego a formal wine critique this week with this caveat: we opened another two bottles of Fielding Hills Cabernet Sauvignon (2007 & 2008) last week to celebrate the 237^th Birthday of the United States Marine Corps and they were (once again) fabulous! I can’t ever seem to come up with enough words for how great Fielding Hills wines are. If you ever get a chance to try them, do it!

The Dances

Shawn Johnson/Derek Hough

Paso Doble/Tango Fusion (Judges’ Score: 30)

Swing Dance Marathon (Judges’ Score: 8)

Viennese Waltz (Judges’ Score: 29.5)

Trio Samba w/Mark Ballas (Judges’ Score: 26)

Cumulative Score Week 7-8: 93.5

Shawn and Derek

The Rib: Shawn’s Paso Doble/Tango fusion was unreal; her Viennese Waltz was sublime, and her primal Trio Samba (although arguably light on Samba) was a work of art. Take one part chipmunk and one part badass athlete; add the faux “Devil’s threesome” element with Mark Ballas appearing in two of the last three dances; and you have yourself a sexy little firecracker that I am convinced is most likely to win this whole thing! I am beginning to think she may be unbeatable.

Stub: The Rib is 2/3-ish right: Shawn’s Paso/Tango fusion with stand-in partner Mark Ballas was stupid good; but the Viennese Waltz was a little too “strong” for my liking and the fact that I was thinking of puppies and kittens on death row (due to the song choice) probably didn’t help my liking of this dance; and the Trio dance was definitely great, but a Samba it was not—it was more of a “Macy’s Stars of Dance-” type performance. She’ll make it through to the semifinals, but Derek should know better than to go so far out of the box and save that type of awesome for the freestyle dance in the finals.

Apollo Ohno/Karina Smirnoff

Cha-Cha/Paso Doble Fusion (Judges’ Score: 27)

Swing Dance Marathon (Judges’ Score: 6)

Tango (Judges’ Score: 29.5)

Trio Jive w/Sasha Farber (Judges’ Score: 29)

Cumulative Score Week 7-8: 91.5

Apolo and Karina

The Rib: Apollo’s guns have been blazin’ for the last two weeks, and Karina has looked ah-mazing! While there is no question that a fire has been lit under Apollo, he lacks the charisma to take it all the way. He dances very well, but I never feel it in my “happy places.” Sorry ladies, but Apollo may be on the bubble in the double elimination—if not this week, almost certainly next week.

Stub: Apolo’s Cha-Cha portion of the fusion dance was great, but the Paso was a bit rushed and not quite as sharp as it could have been, although his “Paso leap” was great. The zipline entrance for last night’s Tango was cool, but again, I felt like Apolo rushed this dance a bit and it wasn’t as “rigid” as it should have been. I will give him credit for hanging with a pro during his Trio dance, which was a “proper Jive,” but I agree with The Rib—he’s on the bubble this week. On a side note, I ordered a Red Metallic Catsuit inspired by Karina’s Jive costume as a stocking stuffer for The Rib (Shhh! It’s a surprise!). It’s good to be me…

Kirstie Ally/Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Quickstep/Samba Fusion (Judges’ Score: 24)

Swing Dance Marathon (Judges’ Score: 4)

Viennese Waltz (Judges’ Score: 27)

Trio Paso Doble w/Tristan MacManus (Judges’ Score: 24)

Cumulative Score Week 7-8: 79.0

Kirstie and Maks

The Rib: Well, when Kirstie goes home tonight, at least she will have done her best dance—the Viennese Waltz in honor of Veterans’ Day. She was elegant; she looked fantastic, and the song was perfect. However, I don’t think even her snow leopard (that’s two generations beyond a cougar!) fan base can save her when two out of three dances were that rough. Thanks for the laughs “Big Sexy,” but it is time to exit—stage right! Sorry, Stub, you will just have to survive off re-runs of Cheers.

Stub: Kirstie’s Fusion Quickstep was pretty good, but that Samba portion was a “hot mess” as the kids started saying a couple years back. Now her Viennese Waltz last night was great! She looked amazing, had some nice, flow-y arm extensions, and hit some damn fine lines. The Trio Paso was a cool concept and not altogether horrible, even if it was a bit light on content and lacked the obligatory “Paso sharpness.” This hot cougar may be number one in my heart, but she’s last on the leaderboard, and I’m guessing The Rib has nailed it: I’ll have to stick with Cheers reruns or reality programming to get my “Kirstie fix” after tonight.

Kelly Monaco/Val Chmerkovskiy

Cha-Cha/Foxtrot Fusion (Judges’ Score: 27)

Swing Dance Marathon (Judges’ Score: 9)

Viennese Waltz (Judges’ Score: 28)

Trio Jive w/Louis van Amstel (Judges’ Score: 28.5)

Cumulative Score Week 7-8: 92.5

Kelly and Val

The Rib: You all know by now that I am not the biggest Kelly fan—although I must admit she is a far better dancer than I gave her credit at the outset of the season. And while I did not like last week’s Cha Cha/Foxtrot or this week’s Viennese Waltz, I thought her Trio Jive was one of the best dances of the night. Kelly looked fantastic, and Louie brought some energy and personality that took her dancing to the next level. At least she got to execute a great dance before leaving the ballroom, which she is guaranteed to do either this week—most likely—or next. I guess Val will have to try to get a bit part on General Hospital—what? He already has—aahh, isn’t that cute? They are already planning how to spend time together once she gets the boot!

Stub: Kelly’s Fusion Dance was fine enough, but I didn’t feel it in my “happy places” (to borrow a phrase from The Rib). While we all know I’m still holding on to the hope that Melissa can somehow eek out a mirror ball trophy, Kelly got robbed on the Swing Dance Marathon—she and Val should have taken the full 10 bonus points. Kelly’s Viennese Waltz was the second best first-round dance of the evening. The Trio Jive with Louis was effin’ amazeballs! Len was right—it had the “F-Factor” for sure and was the second best Trio Dance of the night. Despite Kelly having “brought it” in the last couple of weeks, she’s on the bubble tonight. She should absolutely stay for next week’s semifinals, but there’s a good chance she will be joining Kirstie for a last dance by 9/8 central tonight.

Gilles Marini/Peta Murgatroyd

Argentine Tango/Samba Fusion (Judges’ Score: 28.5)

Swing Dance Marathon (Judges’ Score: 5)

Quickstep (Judges’ Score: 29.5)

Trio Salsa w/Chelsie Hightower (Judges’ Score: 29)

Cumulative Score Week 7-8: 92.0

Gilles and Peta

The Rib: All I have to say after that “Top Gun“-inspired number is that I would like to be inverted! The last two weeks have been replete with shirtless numbers…well-played DWTS producers! Whoever wins the mirror ball trophy, the real winner is “Mrs. Gilles.” And as if G-eta isn’t enough pretty to make you consider taking up stalking as a hobby, they add Chelsea for the Trio Salsa? ¡Por Favor y Por Favor y Gracias! Added points for thanking U.S. troops for liberating France!

Stub: After that Fusion Dance, I found myself craving Kiwi Crepes. And a smoke. That was fantastic! Gilles displayed some brilliant footwork in last night’s Quickstep, but I felt like his left shoulder was a bit forward in hold. And that Trio dance? I needed a smoke before that Salsa even started! And another one after. I think it’s safe to say that Gilles will make the finals, even if he just stands in the middle of the dance floor shirtless while Peta gyrates around him.

Emmitt Smith/Cheryl Burke

Rumba/Samba Fusion (Judges’ Score: 27.5)

Swing Dance Marathon (Judges’ Score: 7)

Viennese Waltz (Judges’ Score: 28)

Trio Salsa w/Kym Johnson (Judges’ Score: 30)

Cumulative Score Week 7-8: 92.5

Emmitt and Cheryl

The Rib: Emmitt has what Apollo does not—charisma and style that captivates the audience. I love Emmitt as much as the next wife married to a good son of the Lone Star state, but great hip action can only get you so far. I think he was overscored on the Trio Dance; it didn’t stir me like Emmitt’s dances usually do. However, I do want to thank him for adding Kym to the mix last night in the salsa—that will give Stub “new material” to last him the next several weeks…think about it, folks!

Stub: While Cheryl nailed the choreography, making the Fusion Dance a true fusion of the two styles, and Emmitt did a great job of the bouncy/smooth transitions every eight counts, he did have the wrong hips going here and there. I liked the Viennese Waltz, which was charming (as always) and sweet. With maybe my two favorite lady pros on the floor, Emmitt’s Trio Salsa didn’t blow me away, but I liked it—a lot—The Rib may be right here… I’m pretty sure Emmitt is safe and will step it up a bit for next week’s semifinals after being accused of playing it safe the last couple of weeks. Nothing like a pep talk from a Moose to motivate, right?

Melissa Rycroft/Tony Dovolani

Tango/Cha-Cha Fusion (Judges’ Score: 29)

Swing Dance Marathon (Judges’ Score: 10)

Quickstep (Judges’ Score: 30)

Trio Paso Doble w/Henry Byalikov (Judges’ Score: 30)

Cumulative Score Week 7-8: 99.0

Melissa and Tony

The Rib: While I thought Melissa and Tony’s Cha-Cha/Tango was way overscored last week and did not think they should have won the Swing Dance Marathon, they redeemed themselves this week with two phenomenal dances. I think Melissa may be the only dancer that can give Shawn Johnson a run for her money. Even though the Paso Doble was the best dance of the night by far, Melissa playing the role of a Dominatrix? Really? The only thing less realistic would be seeing Shawn Johnson dressed in leather—although she does appear partial to that Devil’s Threesome…

Stub: I enjoyed Melissa’s Fusion, but I felt like the Cha-Cha lacked a bit of energy. Between the pre-dance video package and the post-dance skybox interview, it seemed that both Melissa and Tony were preoccupied last week, although that didn’t stop them from winning the Swing Dance Marathon (even though I personally think Kelly and Val should have edged them out). Bring on last night, though! Melissa and Tony nailed that Quickstep, which was hands-down the best first-round dance last night. And that badass Trio Paso was hot, Hot, HOT! Melissa is “girl next door” cute and dorky, but can pull off the sexy dominatrix bit, too? Please and thank you! Best Trio Dance of the evening, though I could have done without the screams in the middle break. It appears that Melissa may be peaking at the right time and has a legitimate chance of challenging a certain “sexy chipmunk” for the mirror ball trophy this season.

Takeaways

Well there it is. It seems that both The Rib and I think Kirstie, Apolo, and Kelly are on the bubble tonight. We both agree that Kirstie is a lock to get called to the floor for a final dance; The Rib thinks Kelly is out, too; I think Apolo will be the other ousted celebrity dancer tonight. We shall see soon enough who gets the opportunity to dance in next week’s Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars semifinals.

Until next week…

Cheers from the Ballroom at CorkEnvy,

Stub and The Rib

Fortunately, we didn’t lose power during “Superstorm Sandy,” so the Dancing with the Stars actually ended up on the DVR—but I had to watch this one solo due to The Rib being super-important and having to report to super-important people for work. Being that we’ve been together for at least 9 ½ [...]]]>  

Fortunately, we didn’t lose power during “Superstorm Sandy,” so the Dancing with the Stars actually ended up on the DVR—but I had to watch this one solo due to The Rib being super-important and having to report to super-important people for work. Being that we’ve been together for at least 9 ½ Weeks (it’s been a little longer than that, but a certain type of passion still burns hot—I know: Aww! or Eww! depending on your perspective, I suppose…), I figured the best way to report on last night’s dancing performances was to give my thoughts on each dance and take a stab at what The Rib would have said about each performance. Here goes…

The Dances

Gilles Marini/Peta Murgatroyd

Cha-Cha-Cha (Judges’ Score: 27.5; Cumulative: 84/90)

Gilles and Peta

The Rib: Wow! Nice costume, Gilles! I know I’ve quoted Ron Swanson several times in recent weeks, but once again, I said: “Please and thank you!” before the dance even began! There should be a law against this much hot on the dance floor at one time! I certainly “felt like a woman” after watching that dance! Not my favorite dance I’ve seen G-eta perform (maybe because I hate that song), not the best Cha-Cha-Cha I’ve ever seen, but it was pretty to watch! As usual. And again, if I smoked, I would have taken an early-in-the-episode cigarette break…

Stub: Well, every woman in America got what they wanted from Gilles last night—a see-through shirt. Congrats, ladies! This certainly wasn’t the best thing I’ve seen this couple do on the dance floor, but there was a fluidity and sexiness to it that I found appealing. But the fact that it reminded me of that Saturday Night Live bit where the French Kids dance at each other in the cafe, I figure it was a bit over-scored…unless those kids can dance way better than I think…

Sabrina Bryan/Louis van Amstel

Rumba (Judges’ Score: 30 Cumulative: 88.5/90)

Sabrina and Louis

The Rib: This little firecracker brought the sexy tonight! Sabrina and Louis even showed flashes of actual chemistry! The Mouse has really gotten its money’s worth out of her over the last two weeks! For once, she didn’t “over-dance” during this great little Rumba—but it wasn’t better than Shawn and Derek’s Rumba from last week.

Stub: Emotional video package aside, this Rumba was nice! It was moving, lyrical, and just—well, beautiful. I agree with The Rib, though—not sure it was better than Shawn and Derek’s offering last week, but it had me mesmerized from start to finish. Sabrina looked great, danced a beautiful solo to open the routine, and showed some nice vulnerability and strength here. I can’t disagree with three “10s,” but it highlights the underscoring of Shawn and Derek’s Rumba from last week.

Kelly Monaco/Val Chmerkovskiy

Tango (Judges’ Score: 27 Cumulative: 78.5/90)

Kelly and Val

The Rib: This song sucks! Kelly’s tango seemed a bit rushed to me and didn’t have that “stiffness” that makes this dance “pop.” Given last week’s score, I think Kelly should start packing her trailer this afternoon.

Stub: I agree with The Rib—this Tango was a little bit of a mess. It just didn’t come together well. I have seen “Gone With The Wind” and this dance was no “Gone With The Wind;” however, Kelly may have the opportunity to go where the wind blows her following tonight’s elimination show.

Melissa Rycroft/Tony Dovolani

Viennese Waltz (Judges’ Score: 29.5 Cumulative: 86/90)

Melissa and Tony

The Rib: This was a nice little Viennese Waltz. Melissa floated across the floor and hit some amazing lines. Like Stub, I’m waiting to see her “break out” a bit, but this dance was more than enough to keep her in the ballroom for next week.

Stub: I loved this Viennese Waltz! I kinda feel like this was a “breakout” dance for Melissa. She’s just so fluid, beautiful, and expressive on the dance floor. I hope this isn’t “too little too late,” but The Rib is right—Melissa will stick around for next week after last night’s dance(s).

Shawn Johnson/Derek Hough

Cha-Cha-Cha (Judges’ Score: 28 Cumulative: 84.5/90)

Shawn and Derek

The Rib: As Len says: “Too much ‘messing about!’” This was a step backward (see what I did there?) for Shawn from last week. Shawn had great leg extention, but I felt like her hip action was a little light. That solo wasn’t “stiff,” it was just lacking. She’ll be fine for next week, but this Cha-Cha-Cha was far from her best.

Stub: I just didn’t like this Cha-Cha-Cha a whole lot. The Rib is right—Shawn’s legs were amazing, but this dance didn’t really deliver. While I sympathize with her over reinjuring her knee, simply throwing a few gymnastic floor exercise moves in there does not a dance solo make. That said, I’m still of the opinion that Shawn is the celebrity dancer to beat and I’m confident that next week’s “fusion dance” will not only put her back at or near the top of the leaderboard number wise, but also back at the top of the leaderboard in our hearts…

Kirstie Alley/Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Rumba (Judges’ Score: 27.5 Cumulative: 82/90)

Kirstie and Maks

The Rib: Oh, I’m sure Stub loved this one! “Big Sexy” brought “the sexy,” even though “the sexy” isn’t quite as “big” as it was when the season started. This was easily Kirstie’s best dance and will likely save her from elimination. Too bad for Kelly…

Stub: Wow! Rebecca Howe anyone? To quote The Rib (via Ron Swanson): “Please and thank you!” Pretty sure this dance proved what I always say: a cougar never disappoints! I really liked this dance. And while I’m a mark for a cougar, Kirstie has objectively come into her own on the dance floor this season. I’m not sure she’ll last past next week, but this amazing Rumba, combined with a larger fan base, will likely cause Kelly to use the proverbial “Country Week” boots for the purpose they were made—walking out of the ballroom.

Apolo Ohno/Karina Smirnoff

Viennese Waltz (Judges’ Score: 30 Cumulative: 86.5/90)

Apolo and Karina

The Rib: While I could have done without this particular song, the Viennese Waltz was Apolo’s best dance of the season. He and Karina flowed across the dance floor, although he seemed to dance a bit small at times, failing to fully open up his chest. He may end up in the bottom three tonight, but this effort should guarantee him a spot in next week’s show.

Stub: I enjoyed this Viennese Waltz from Apolo and Karina and totally agree with The Rib—his best dance this season. Not sure it deserved a “30,” but it was very good. You should all know by now that Apolo’s not one of my favorites, but that Olympian ability to step up (pun intended) when it counts has really come out over the last few weeks.

Emmitt Smith/Cheryl Burke

Foxtrot (Judges’ Score: 26.5 Cumulative: 82.5/90)

Emmitt and Cheryl

The Rib: What this dance lacked in technique, Emmitt more than made up for with his beaming smile and infectious charm. It was decent, but far from his best. The solo seemed disconnected from the rest of the dance. This wasn’t a great Foxtrot, but it sure was entertaining!

Stub: What the hell? That solo was crazy—not in the best way dance technique-wise, but entertainment-wise! I agree with The Rib—Emmitt has given us better dance performances, but coupled with the viewer vote, this Foxtrot-like dance will prove more than enough to keep him in until next week.

Group Freestyle

2 Bonus Points Go To: Kirstie & Maks

Stub: I decided that The Rib and I would have similar thoughts on this one, so I won’t even attempt to differentiate our analysis. This dance was a hot mess from the get-go (or “git-go,” as it were on “Country Week”)… I had a hard time keeping up with what was happening. And a few of those solos looked like the couples were “playing chicken with a train” themselves. While Kirstie gave us a fun little break (that was danced fairly well), I think the judges were being a bit generous. As much as I hate to admit it, the group dance bonus points should have gone to Kelly and Val or Apolo and Karina.

The Wine

2009 Chateau de Cruzeau, Bordeaux, France

2009 Chateau de Cruzeau

This is a nice Bordeaux blend (Cabernet Sauvignon- 55%, Merlot- 43%, Cabernet Franc- 2%) from the Pessac-Léognan appellation. The Rib and I have enjoyed several bottles of the 2005 vintage over the last couple of years, and the 2009 did not disappoint—even with a quick “pop and pour.”

On the nose, dark fruits were immediately noticeable—blackberry and cherry mostly. There was also a slight oak, some cream, and a nice spice (mostly anise).

The palate brought the fruit (again, black cherry and blackberry). The cream and spice came through, too. There were also some earthy notes in there, but they lessened a little as the wine sat in the decanter for a while. The acid was a bit sharp on the first sip, but this wine came off as very well-integrated after only a few minutes open. The mouthfeel was soft and elegant, but this wine held up to and paired beautifully with a grilled medium rare/medium beef filet.

For $25, the 2009 Chateau de Cruzeau is a steal. This wine could use a little cellar time, but with a proper decanting (4-6 hours), it drinks well right now—even “popping and pouring” worked out well for us. I’ll be stocking our cellar with several bottles of this wine.

Takeaways

Stub: I’m going with a single final analysis here, too. I was surprised by a few things: 1) It took way longer into the show than I expected to have Drew Lachey’s “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” performance from Season 2 explicitly mentioned; and 2) There were no cast members from the freshman ABC drama “Nashville” in the ballroom to promote their show on Dancing with the Stars “Country Week” (you can see my thoughts on that show here). Very odd from the network that wrote the book on “synergy.”

I was also not surprised by several things: 1) Drew Lachey’s “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” was mentioned; 2) the “country” music was in fact the Nashville-ized pop that has come to represent the genre; and 3) Taylor Swift will be performing on tonight’s results show. Will “Brad and Carrie” be there to introduce her? We’ll have to wait until 8/7 Central to find out…

As for the actual dancing, I think Kelly’s second turn in the ballroom will come to an end this evening. She’s brought us some great routines and exceeded our expectations, but it seems that she may have checked out this week. Her low scores from last week, combined with Kirstie’s fan support, will likely be her ultimate undoing. Now git!

Until next week…

Cheers from the Ballroom at CorkEnvy,

Stub

Well, the Mouse treated us to two nights of Dancing with the Stars this week to ensure good Americans, who are not fortunate enough to have DVR, did not have to choose between civic engagement and cheeky good fun. We were all able to watch the presidential candidates square off on foreign policy AND [...]]]>  

Well, the Mouse treated us to two nights of Dancing with the Stars this week to ensure good Americans, who are not fortunate enough to have DVR, did not have to choose between civic engagement and cheeky good fun. We were all able to watch the presidential candidates square off on foreign policy AND see our favorite couples kill it in the ballroom! God Bless America!

The Dances

Kelly Monaco/Val Chmerkovskiy

Samba to “I Want You Back” (Judges’ Score: 24.5)

Kelly and Val

The Rib: This Samba was “eh.” Her Samba rolls—my personal favorite move in the Samba—were great, but the dance lacked emotional connection and energy. Sorry, Kelly, but I do not ‘Want You Back’ next week. She is on the bubble for elimination unless she blows our minds next week, and even that may not save her.

Stub: Well at least Kelly looked great. I felt like the music took away from her performance. Can’t agree with Len on the “too raunchy” comment, but I do agree that this Samba was not great. I hope for Kelly’s sake she comes back strong next week.

Gilles Marini/Peta Murgatroyd

Rumba to “I Will Always Love You” (Judges’ Score: 29.5)

Gilles and Peta

The Rib: I was incredibly excited when I heard G-eta was doing a Rumba, which is essentially vertical sex on a dance floor, to Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You.’ Peta, Gilles, and Gilles’ arms were beautiful; however, I have to say that I was not left in an expected state of post-coital bliss after this dance. Don’t get me wrong—it was very good—it just didn’t floor me (at least not literally as it did for Carrie Ann!). It was a bit too fast for my taste, but they are not in any danger of going home.

Stub: The promise of this dance was way better than the delivery—it was neither “breast-taking” nor responsible for any baby making. I even liked the post-dance comment section better than the dance. I will give Gilles a “10″ for playing bodyguard when Carrie Ann fell out of her seat, though. It was nice enough, but didn’t deserve more than a 27; probably had something to do with Gilles covering up a little too much…

Kirstie Alley/Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Quickstep to “Mrs. Robinson” (Judges’ Score: 25.5)

Kirstie and Maks

The Rib: Kirstie looked amazing and was really channeling the Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson to Maks’ boy toy character. I know my mother and many women of her age group were supremely thrilled by this homage—so ladies, a word of caution, keep your young men clear of your mothers for a couple of days just to be safe. This was Kirstie’s best dance of the season by far; she was light and foot-sure. Since we have largely cut the sub-par dancers—a point Maks diplomatically made when he referenced Bristol’s departure—Kirstie is likely to be on the chopping block from here on in, although she should survive Kelly due to her (and Maks’) fan base.

Stub: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: a cougar never disappoints. That assertion held with Kirstie’s Quickstep. She did look amazing and floated across the floor. There was one section of footwork that was a bit awkward, but overall this dance was very good. Here’s to you, Ms. Alley… You can try to seduce me anytime! Just don’t tell The Rib. Or the mother-in-law…

Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke

Samba to “Copacabana” (Judges’ Score: 29)

Emmitt and Cheryl

The Rib: Emmitt’s Samba to Barry’s Manilow’s Copacabana was awesome. He just oozes charm.  He mastered the Samba bounce, and his hips were in overdrive. Big fun, high quality of dance, and charm—”who could ask for more?”

Stub: Sad. This was the best dance of Monday night—great hip action, great swagger, and that classic Emmitt charm. And an awesome song! If Gilles received a 29.5, Emmitt deserved a 33 for this amazingly fun Samba.

Melissa Rycroft/Tony Dovolani

Tango to “Toxic”

Melissa and Tony

The Rib: This ‘Toxic’ Tango was not really a compelling dance to me; for some reason, I found her silver skirt to be very distracting. This dance was just okay for me, but it is more than enough to get Melissa through to next week.

Stub: I think Melissa could have been more “stiff.” That said, she and Tony brought a more lyrical Tango to the ballroom. I feel like they were trying to channel Gomez and Morticia Addams; if so, they fell a bit short. Overall, this was nice, but I’m getting more and more anxious for Melissa to step it up a bit.

Shawn Johnson/Derek Hough

Rumba to “My Heart Will Go On”

Shawn and Derek

The Rib: This Rumba, without a doubt, was the best dance of the night and, probably, one of the best of the season. It pains me greatly to admit that Shawn and Derek out-danced G-eta, but they made G-eta’s Rumba look like a couple of teenagers fumbling around in the back of a Chevy—there just was no comparison. To add insult to injury, they danced to the theme song to one of my most reviled films. I—along with my lobster, Stub—proudly bear the distinction of never having seen the movie Titanic. And yet, Shawn and Derek still killed it, and I cannot begin to understand what Len was thinking nor why Carrie Ann deemed Shawn’s jump as a lift—Boo!! Shawn will, no doubt, be in the final, and unfortunately, she may now be the frontrunner to win the whole thing.

Stub: I really want to hate anything even remotely related to this song. Can’t stand it. That said, this dance was amazing! Derek Hough is the man that made a woman out of our little Olympic chipmunk! Beautiful extensions, exquisite lines, and she looked like a grown-ass woman! This was the best dance of the season. Shawn deserved way higher scores; if Gilles got a 29.5, Shawn, like Emmitt, deserved at least a 33. An 8? Ponderous.

Apolo Ohno/Karina Smirnoff

Samba to “Give It To Me Baby” (Judges’ Score: 27)

Apolo and Karina

The Rib: They danced a Samba to Rick James, Bitch! Apolo’s hips were ah-mah-zing, and Karina looked great. I think Carrie Ann either hit her head when she fell out of the chair during Gilles’ dance on Monday night or they damaged her brain when they pinned one of those feathers into her hair. Either way, I don’t know how she did not appreciate this performance.

Stub: This was absolutely Apolo’s best dance. He really carried them through and looked like he was leading. Hips were nice. Apolo isn’t one of my favorites, but I have to give it up for his Samba. I think he deserved to be scored a little higher. 28.5, maybe?

Sabrina Bryan/Louie van Amstel

Waltz to “So This Is Love”

Sabrina and Louis

The Rib: The Mouse really got its money’s worth out of Sabrina tonight—she is not only a Disney creation herself, but she was portraying Cinderella as well in this most elegant Waltz. While I am not sure it was a ’29,’ Sabrina floated across the floor like Ginger Rogers—simply divine—sweet and elegant. Good job, girl!

Stub: This was a nice little dance. Very sweet. I felt like the chemistry wasn’t quite there and I didn’t for some reason love the “dip” mid-dance. I enjoyed this “proper Waltz” and it even managed to move me a bit. But a 10? Not sure it was perfect.

Team “Call Me Maybe”

Freestyle to “Call Me Maybe” (Judges’ Score: 29)

The Rib: This team was phenomenally talented, and this routine was smokin’ with hot chics, huge tricks, and fantastic choreography. Despite my disdain for this insipid song—a guilty pleasure indeed—this dance was amazing!

Stub: Sorry, but this song is stupidly infectious; and being that we’re laying all the cards on the table this week—is a guilty pleasure song for me. Who doesn’t love a cheerleader? The choreography (which looks like Derek Hough deserves the credit for) was amazing. Did I mention that I love this silly song? ‘Cause I do! This dance deserved every bit of the 29.5 judges’ score and Melissa Rycroft proved in the post-dance interview why she deserves Brooke’s job.

Team “Gangnam Style”

Freestyle to “Gangnam Style” (Judges’ Score: 27)

The Rib: Full disclosure—apparently, I am the only human in Western Civilization that had not previously heard this song or seen the dance craze sweeping the world. I did dial up the video and laughed hysterically. This team had the swagger and sex appeal to pull off an incredibly entertaining—if not wild—team dance. Despite the judges’ comments to the contrary, I thought the synchronization between the couples was good, and their individual dances were great! It was the MOST fun! Of course, I will endorse anything that results in Gilles prancing around in a towel or briefs—again, as Ron Swanson says, “Please and Thank You.”

Stub: Well, it looks like the show runners for Dancing With The Stars saved the guiltiest pleasure of guilty pleasure week for last! Unlike The Rib, I know what’s going on in the world and had seen this stupid dance and heard this stupid song more times than I can count, which is one more time than I ever wanted (I watch Ellen, after all). That said, I loved this routine. It was silly, but danced well. The synchronized parts of the dance were fairly good. As for Gilles, his performance has me rethinking my entire worldview. This indulgent team dance deserved to be scored higher.

The Wine

2009 North Mountain Vineyard Cabernet Franc Reserve, Shenandoah Valley, Virginia

2009 North Mountain Vineyard Cabernet Franc

We picked this bottle up blind at a tasting room off the interstate sometime last winter. I’m glad we did! In my opinion, this is one of the two red wine varieties Virginia winemakers should be focusing on (along with Petit Verdot), so a blind buy of a Virignia Cab Franc didn’t seem crazy.

On the nose, a slight smoke and licorice hit me immediately. I got some floral notes, but really spicy floral notes, not perfume-y notes that can sometimes be a dead ringer for Cab Francs. Oddly enough, my sniffer picked up something along the lines of bacon fat—which I admit is odd—but I couldn’t get it to be anything else. There were big, ripe berry notes in there, too.

On first sip, pepper and blackberry dominated. There was a slight licorice, too. Only a few minutes in, the fruit really came through—mostly blackberry and plum—and reminded me of the juiciest piece of fruit ever, bursting with flavor, but not overbearing. The tannins were strong, but still “feminine.”

On the whole, I really enjoyed this wine. I have to admit it is my first foray into the North Mountain Vineyards portfolio. Based on this tasting, I can’t wait to try more. I paid $22 for this bottle and I’m hoping I can get my hands on a few more of this limited production (196 cases) wine. It’s a winner!

Takeaways

The Rib: Brooke Burke Charvet must be eating a lot of McDonald’s lately, because both nights she looked like she belonged at a McDonaldland birthday party. On Monday night she looked like she was either going to a space hooker Halloween party dressed as a sexy 80s prison inmate or an escapee from the Hamburglar’s haram. On Tuesday night, Brooke, donning a purple dress, looked like the betrothed of Grimace (what the hell kind of creature was he anyway?). At least we did not have to endure those wretched fake bangs!

Stub: This was the best week of dancing yet. I really enjoyed the team dances and all but one or two of the individual performances impressed. I’m guessing next week will bring another “double elimination?” And it’s “Country Week!” I’m hoping we get some actual country music and not some “Nashville-ized” pop with Telecaster guitars, but I’m not holding my breath. I’m also very glad that Drew Lachey is gone, ’cause I’m not sure how I would react to another rehash of his “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” routine from Season 2; I bet we see a glimpse of the video anyway, though.

Until next week…

Cheers from the Ballroom at CorkEnvy,

Stub & The Rib